Randoms

Where do I even begin this week has just begun and now it is about to end, only two more school days this week for me yay! However within the next two weeks I have two 5 plus page papers to write. Can you say no free weekends in the future.

However there is always something going on that drains my extra energy and that for this week would be the trip that me and the girls are suppose to be taking this weekend. My cousin was sort of in charge of everything and what went from being a free place ended up costing 50 dollars a person which isn't so bad, but we could have gotten hotels online for cheaper, but anyway. So what was originally five or six is now probably down to two and that would be me and her. I really want to back out and loose the money because I am not in the mood to go with Thanksgiving next week I have to hit the road next Wednesday for that after coming back from the trip on Sunday. Not to mention the work previously that I mentioned that I really need to put a dent in. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place b/c if the girl that was suppose to drive doesn't go then we probably will have to rent a car b/c her trans needs fixing and well my car has been on the skits somewhat too, and I don't want to put it on the road and then be stuck for real. I don't know what to do, so hopefully by tomorrow she will have a final word, because I don't want to loose the money, but I would rather have piece of mind as far as school work is concerned. If need be I could work on it over the holiday but I know that the likelihood of that is slim to none. I like to relax on my vacations lol!

Well I am going to go and make some phone calls and see what I need to get done for tomorrow, good night guys!

Update

I had another post up but I decided to draft it for the time being, maybe I will put it back up but right now I think that it is best not published.

Nothing New

This week is about to be one hectic week for me, I should enjoy this weekend because next weekend is going to be busy and fun the HBCU here in town is having their homecoming so things will be on and poppin and I am looking forward to that. Me and the girls will have lots of fun! However in order to get to the weekend of fun I must get through this week which involves one presentation and two exams. One of which I am not that worried about.

Lately I just feel so tired. Even though two days out of the week I have one class and on Friday's no class, ya girl is dog tired. There are so many things that I need to get done, my room is a mess. I started cleaning it up last week and then somewhere between throwing things away and putting things up I got stuck and now I am in a complete disarray. I try to keep my room somewhat clean because my boo be complaining about my "dirty ass room" as he calls it. And I would rather not hear him and other folks talk about the mess so I try to keep it reasonable. I be like dang I am a busy girl can I get some slack! But since I don't have a job people are like you ain't that busy, but I am.

Well I am about to go curl up in the bed and watch Flip Thi.s House, so I holla at blogworld later.

School, School, School

Everytime I get on the blogging thing and update more than once a month in comes the school monster and messes everything up. The school work is piling up and it is now test time again which means that there is studying to be done, and since the plan is to walk across the stage and receive my diploma in December the work must get done. I have a few post in the works so maybe if I have free time or I can finish one of those up and post it or if not I will be back to my regular scheduled posting next week. In the mean time if anyone reads this have a good week/weekend!!!!!!!!!!!

"Sometimes we want things that may not be right for us"

The title of this post relates to the song by Letoya entitled "Obvious". In the song she says exactly what the title say "sometimes we want things that may not be right for us but when we're in love we tend to look over the obvious." Now I can't say if I loved him or if I had really strong feelings but boy did I ever look over the obvious. Looking back on that situation I see how he half assed that whole situation and because I liked him so much I overlooked that. I kept telling myself this is not an exclusive situation he doesn't owe me anything and I don't owe him anything. However when the situation ended with me broken hearted I was the one who felt like he owed me plenty.

I just kept holding on that one day things were going to change, not without some hope he had given me. We always had these conversations about him and I becoming an us. You guessed it ten months later and we were still a him and I. Looking back I don't feel stupid or upset because I don't regret one minute of anytime I ever spent with him, I just wished he had not of gotten my hopes up. I decided to write this post because I just saw him not even an hour ago in traffic and normally when I see him my stomach takes this huge drop even if it is not face to face. However today it was just a tiny drop and more of the feeling of I hope he didn't see me staring because I have a tendency to be all in peoples cars anyway. I had no idea that he was about to turn right next to me. Anyway I am getting of track but when I saw him after thinking I hope he didn't see me, my next thought was I don't want him anymore. I have thought that I didn't and said it but today that was the first thing that came to my mind and I didn't have to tell myself that myself told me (if that makes any sense).

I think I have finally read the last page in that chapter and can now continue on to a better chapter. I realize that right now the guy I am seeing is pretty good. He calls when he says he will and does what he says he's going to do. He doesn't have me waiting on a phone call or visit that may or may not happen. He doesn't freak out if I get emotional, he listens and most of all we have chemistry and fun together. Now I am not saying I didn't have those things with him because I either like, like you or I don't, but this time it is still a different experience because they are on different levels maturity wise. I don't know where things will go with him, but I appreciate meeting someone who follows through and doesn't leave me wondering where he is and what he is doing.

Weekend Musings

It is like 5:00 on a Saturday and I cracked my book to read for about five minutes and said F that. I don't know what is wrong with me. Why can't I just do the assigned reading in a timely fashion so that two days before the test I am not reading 8 chapters. We already know me reading those eight chapters in their entirety for a thirty question exam is not about to happen. I will figure out some way to go through the book and weed out the info that I think is important, and of course those oh so handy study guides.

I am being such a slob today. I have yet to set foot outside of my door and if I wasn't hungry and didn't have any plans of not cooking then I would sit in this house all day long like a hermit. Alas though my hunger is going to win so I am going to have to put on some semi decent clothes to go and pick something up. I am NOT suppose to be eating out this weekend but I didn't take anything out to cook and I ate a frozen pizza earlier and I am not really feeling the desire to eat another for my dinner so I will have to leave comfortable surroundings.

Well I am about to go get back in the bed and watch some more news shoes, I know I am just loads of fun. Peace until next time!

Midterms and other random happenings

I cannot believe that midterms are here. Once the semester starts time just seems to fly, which could be a good and a bad thing. I am going to try and get some reading done the remainder of this week so that this weekend I am not knee deep in reading I should have done five weeks ago. I want to do something this weekend and knowing me I will put studying on the backburner to go out and do something. I know bad, bad girl!

I actually cooked dinner last night and it was good. I wish I could just cook often because when I go through my bank statements I spend like 70 dollars eating out in a month. That is truly ridiculous seeing as most of the time it is fast food and not at an actual restaurant. So my goal for next week will not to eat out fast food wise at all. I think I can do it, the real challenge will be on the weekend when I really don't feel like cooking and going to grab something is easier. This should be fairly easy seeing as I don't eat but at a handful of fast food places because I stopped eating at a few because I was truly doing overkill at those places.

Well I am going to peace out and see if I can find something productive to do with my time, shoot I may even start reading but I wouldn't get my hopes up to high with that lol!

Things are pretty normal over here. I am so excited because tomorrow I only have two classes and can come home at 1:45 yay! Yesterday I had all these grand plans about making a nice dinner and I was like forget it I am not in the mood to do all that cooking. Even though I really need to start eating better, I am ashamed to admit that I have eaten at Chick-fil-a like five times in the last week. Damn them for having such good fries I couldn't resist. My goal for the next few weeks is to use my cookbook that I spent good money purchasing and try and eat more healthier. By healthier I mean just eating more veggies and fruit because I know that those are lacking in my diet.

My boo and I resolved our little issue, which is good. I have issues in confronting him with things because I sometimes have the tendency to take molehills and turn them into mountains. Then in hindsight I see where I could have misinterpreted things when I talk them over with my friends. So before I go to him with my "dramatics" because I can be a little dramatic, I have to think things over and make sure that I am not overreacting to the situation. Last week I had a little episode where I broke down crying twice because I was misinterpreting things and jumping to conclusions. He and I talked things out and I am glad for that because at least he didn't look at me like I was crazy and was like forget this. We discussed my and "our" issues so that we are not going down that road again. Also I am grateful for my friend who is my sounding board. She was like I don't know how you took his text and turned it into what you thought he was trying to say. Well I got some chores to do so I am going to dip.

Patience

Boy let me tell you I think I am one of the most impatient people in the world. When I want something done or want to do something I want everything to fall in to place immediately and get things done. I hate having to wait on people to go places or make plans. I say all this as I patiently (yeah right) wait a confirmation on plans for tonight. These should already be solidified but someone is taking their precious time and I have about had it. If you want to watch football tonight then let me know and I will make other plans with other people. Don't have me waiting until the game is half over and then be like oh we can do something. Obviously this whole entire post is in reference to by boo. He is working my nerves with this issue. I don't care if he wants to watch football cool, but let me know so I can make plans with my girls.

Well I am making myself upset even typing this so this semi vent has to end because I refuse to get upset over his foolishness! I am going to make some calls now I'll blog more later

Issues

Well I was having issues logging in for the past two days. I finally opened blogger in Mozilla and it worked, wonder what is up with that.

I think I am suffering from a little bit of senioritis. I had a test today that I half assed studied for. For shame for shame I have got to do better. I always do this do bad on my first test and then have to dig myself out of the hole for the remainder of the semester. I think I do that subconsciously so that I have to force myself to do good for the remainder of the semester as opposed to starting out strong and then falling off.

I am so glad that I don't have class tomorrow, and I can just sleep in. Oh the joys of Friday! However having a long weekend when you don't really have anything to keep you occupied can suck. I will probably get in the bed and be sleep by twelve and be up by eight, and online because I have nothing to do. I wish I had a job so at least I could have some play money if nothing else. Well I am going to go get in the bed or browse facebook or myspace. Goodnight!!!

Two days in a row!!!!!!!!!!!

I said that I am going to try and be consistent and here I am again today! Today is going to be such a busy day; and I have already let half of the day go by. I have two test tomorrow and I really need to study. I have a tendency to not study for the first test and try and make up for what I didn't do on the remaining test and papers. I really am trying to get out of that seeing as this is my last semester and I don't want no problems as far as getting my diploma is concerned, a la retaking a class.

I really haven't done anything except go to lunch with my boo, he is going out of town tonight to see his brother for the remainder of this week/weekend so I probably will be bored especially if my girls don't know of anything going on. Maybe this weekend I can finish cleaning up my room and do some other things that I need to get done or maybe I will go home. I don't think I will go home because my mom has class on Saturday so it would be a waste since we would really on have no full days to spend together, I think I will wait until she finishes class to go home.

Well I am going to take nap and hopefully pull myself up by my bootstraps lol (where did that come from?) and try and make myself study!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe this Time

I always come back and say that as soon as things settle down I am going to blog more regularly and then I start reading all these blogs and never blog myself. Life right now is pretty good. School has been in session for a month now and the test are about to and have started rolling in. I had one today, I think I did decent I did a majoriy of the reading which is something that I hardly have ever done in the past. As for the remaining test I don't think one of them will be so hard; the other I am not sure about. The test is going to be sixty questions and at least a 3 paragraph essay what kind of crap is that? The teacher already doesn't like our class, she gave us a quiz today because she doesn't like talking to herself! She doesn't get it the class is boring, and maybe it is the class or maybe it is her. I am tired by the time I get to that class, by the time I go to her class I am in class from 9:30 with a hour and a half break then a hour and fifteen minute class then another 45 minute break then her class. By 2:30 I am ready to dip and class doesn't end until 3:45 so you know I am ready to dip; and I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way.

Things with my boo are good. The other day he was in a funk because he lost his car keys and I felt bad for him because a few months ago he thought he lost them but he locked them in his car. So he was getting short with me so I was like F that I am not going to say shit to him until he gets out of that stank ass attitude. I'm sorry you lost your keys but don't be taking that out on me. Anyway after he got off work he can over and we spent some real attitude free time together and I felt better because he knew he was in the wrong!!! Other than that everything is straight.

I got to order my cap and gown today but it is still not quite soaking in that I am graduating. This means that I really need to get on the ball and start studying for the GRE and deciding what and where I want to go to grad school. I think that grad school is going to be necessary for me to do what I want and be good at it. However I am considering getting another bachelor's however my mother is not to fond of that. She thinks that if I am going to spend another four or more semesters in school than it should be grad school, because eventually I will want to go. Or I could do grad school then get the b.s. later. I don't know I am just playing it by ear.

I think I did a good job updating and I really am going to do better once things settle down school wise and there are no test to study for and if anyone is reading this comment and let me know your reading.

Back to School Kiddies

Well Monday is the first day of classes and I am not ready. I have enjoyed sleeping in these past few weeks and just basically spending the day doing nothing or spending time with my boo lol! Everything on that front is good, I really like this guy; he is a nut and cracks me the hell up at all times.

I am still looking for a job, I turned in an application and the lady said she was busy but would get back in contact with me. That was almost a week ago so I don't really know what is up with that. Oh well I will just keep looking there has got to be some job out there for me I just need a little change in my pocket for leisure activities.

Well I have a list of things that should be getting accomplished and instead I am blogging and pushing them back on my timeline. I will blog later gotta get moving.

Straight Chilling

I am finally back to my apartment and I am glad. Being home is cool, but I am glad to be in my space again without all the pick this up, pick that up from my momma.

I got to see my boo last night and I was glad. I made sure I looked cute since I haven't seen him in a week. It was fun to just chill with him, boy I tell you I am really comfortable around him for the most part and I enjoy that. Oh yeah he played me a few songs that he wrote on his guitar and he was acting all shy which was cute because normally he is out there and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. It was nice to see that side of him. I don't know where things are going but like I told my bf I am enjoying it.

When I was home I got to spend a lot of time with my best friend from elementary school. It was good to catch up. It was like I had just talked to her a few days ago, we always just fall back into place when we see or talk with each other. We are still very much the same but our style is very different. We went shopping and some of the things she liked I would never pick in a million years, like she likes the things my mom would pick up for me and show me and then I turn down. I didn't tell her that if something was truly hideous then I told her but if it was okay then I told her it was cute.

Well I will update some more later I need to go check on the food I am cooking.

I've Got To Do Better

Well summer school is officially over and I am not about to begin week 2 of my three week break. I am home until Thursday and then I am heading back to clean up my apartment some in case some other folks move in and to look for a job. I have been applying like crazy and sending my resume' but nothing has seemed to give thus far. Hopefully something will soon because my bank account is not happy with me right now.

Now that I know all my grades they all with the exception of two of the five were what I thought or expected. It is sad but at this point it really doesn't matter I have worked my behind off taking five classes four of them in separate six week sessions so I am glad that everything turned out in the most positive light.

As for my new boo, I think things are straight. I left on Thursday and I asked if he wanted me to call him and he was like we will see how things play out. I don't know if I should call him or just wait until I get back. I think I am going to give him another day to call or text me and then I will break down and send a text. My biggest thing is that since we are not official I don't want to seem too attached, even though I am somewhat attached. I tell him that I like him a lot when he ask but I have never fully come out and said how much I like him without him asking me first. When it comes to emotions and the way I feel I try my hardest to keep that to myself so that I don't get hurt. However I am learning that if I don't express how I feel I could possibly lose someone who could play a very important role in my life. So I am going to see how things go this week and when I get back and contemplate sharing with him how much knowing him in such a short period of time has been a really good thing in my life.

Well I have done more than I planned but I am about to go get my stuff together for tomorrow because I have appointments, goodnight guys!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am suppose to be updating a little more often, but this semester is ending and things are down to the wire and getting a little more complicated. Things with this guy are going pretty well. I am trying my best to just enjoy the situation because I have a tendency to overdo and overthink and I end up stressing myself out with all the foolishness that comes along with being an overanalyzer.

Hopefully my grades will be good and I will be sitting lovely gpa wise and things will continue to go good for me. I can honestly say God is working in my life and I am ever so grateful for that because there was a time when I just did not know if things would ever get better.

Well I got some things to do that I will talk about when I come back and update!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a Roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't mention that I was home for the weekend. I am here for my family reunion it has been pretty straight. My family is hilarious. They are like oh my goodness you are turning into a lady. I hope so I am 21 and will be 22 in like five months so I hope I am starting to look like a lady and not a teenager!!!

But it is all good because I also feel like I am maturing and becoming more like an adult. My next "big girl" goal is to find myself another job. I have been job free for over six months and now it is time for me to get back on my grind and start paying some of my own bills, and saving myself some money so that I can do, go, and buy the things that I want without having to ask my momma or not being able to buy it because I don't have the finances.

Also as you all know from all my old post, I think I was a bit depressed for a good chunk of time. People were asking me if I was eating because I was losing weight. I dropped like two pants sizes and I didn't even notice until like clothes were literally falling off me. However I am gaining weight and I am actually happy. Maybe my new boo is part of the reason that I am happy I don't know. So I hope everything with us will be straight for a while because I like him more than I have like a guy since dude. The other day when I was writing that blog he asked what I was doing and I told him. He wanted to read but I wouldn't let him, he was like you let ppl on the internet read but not me lol! I said this is anonymous so it is different. Well have bee rambling but I will be back probably on Monday with another blog, I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow with the remainder of the reunion and traveling back to school so I probably won't be back blogging until at least Monday.

Have a fun remainder of the weekend guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whitney and Bobby!!!!!!!!!

This post has nothing to do with Whitney and Bobby, well at least not the one you think I am talking about. The other night when the guy I like was over we were talking and I decided that I was going to start calling him Bob. That eventually led to Bobby and then he said he was going to call me Whitney lol! After our new names had been discussed he made the comment that we couldn't be no crackhead couple lol! I wonder does that mean that "coupledom" could be in our future hmmm. I know I said one day at a time so I am trying. I think my biggest obstacle right now is trusting.

I have a hard time trusting people and I always think the worst. He couldn't actually like me because we have a blast when we spend time together; there has to be some alterior (sp) motive involved. I am trying my hardest to shake that. I have to because I really like him. Even the little things, I like when someone is talking about something that he and I have an inside joke about and I start cracking up. I like calling him to tell him about how I was cracking up and the other person didn't even know why and just our hilarious inside jokes. To have only known someone for a month, we have an awful lot of jokes and stories between us. So simply put I like him and I am going to try damn hard to enjoy this for as long as it last and not mess it up on some foolishness!!!!!!!! Wish me luck!

Okay, Okay

I know I said I would officially be blogging more often like two weeks ago and nothing yet you see. Well things are going pretty good on the school front. Two more weeks and summer session is over and I couldn't be more happy this has been one busy summer for me.

Right now I am looking for a job, hopefully I can find something soon. I need the extra money and once I graduate I am going to need a full time gig because I refuse to move back home. All my mother ever says now is if you don't find a job or go to grad school you might as well move back home. NOT going to happen. I am also thinking about getting another bachelors degree I need to be productive and look into how long that would take and what pre-reqs if any that I need. I also am about to prepare to take the GRE in either Sept. or Oct. but that depends on whether or not I decide to go for that second BS.

On another front, I met a cool guy and everything between us is straight and I'll finish later because he is visiting.

* Continued*

Yeah so I am the most comfortable I have been with a guy for a while. I don't know if we are going to be official and all that I am trying to just take it a day at a time since we have only been "talking" for about three weeks, so I am just trying to enjoy this and not overthink and overanalyze which is something that I have a horrible time doing. He is super honest with me and that has allowed me to see there are some areas about myself I should work on I can be quite a brat at times and I don't think he is used to dealing with women like that. Also, it can be annoying so I am not going to stop but I am most definitely going to work on reducing the brat levels.

Well that is all for now I will be updating more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Back

I know I dip out for a minute say I'm back and then I am gone again. I promise to do better after Tuesday. One of my classes end and I will have lots more time to do other things like blog. In the mean time I would like to say that I am in such a good place for right now I think. I think I am in the official beginning stages of moving on or taking the situation for what it is and doing what I have to do for ME!! I am so at peace with this situation right now and I haven't felt that way about the situation in quite some time. Well I will do some more this weekend if time permits or on Wednesday have a good weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Tears Fall Again :(

I am going to try and blog more often because I need some sort of release. This week has been super rough for me. The one who shattered my heart in a million pieces has been on my mind heavy. I wish that I could just shake him and move on but something in me won't let me. I was driving the other day and something made me think of him and this whole retarded situation (no offense to the handicapped) and I just burst into tears. I always say that if the chance comes I am going to straight up tell him my feelings for him and leave it at that. That way he knows that I love him and he can think I am crazy and I can go on with my life but at least he will know. I want to get it done but on the other hand I am afraid he will think I am psycho, but when you have a semi relationship with someone for almost ten months and no it was not all physical I think it is natural for feelings to come into play.

I don't know what I am going to do because that is neither here nor there because I have no intentions of calling him anytime soon. I have stepped back from that situation as best as I can. I know that calling him will probably result in him not answering or us having a nice convo and him promising to call back later, but later never comes and I am the one left hurt. Nope not this time if we speak it will be because he dialed my number not vice versa. Well I am tired of talking about this situation but it is good to get some of this off my chest. Maybe tomorrow I will have a post about my uneventful summer, or I could talk about my trip to Miami for Memorial Day weekend, it wasn't terribly exciting but it should be fun enough for a post goodnight guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer Time

I know I haven't blogged in quite some time, but summer school has been kicking my butt. I am going to try and do a real blog this weekend some time. Even though nothing exciting has happened!

Busy, Busy, Busy

This week is going to be extremely hectic and rushed. When I got to class this morning I realized that I had a test tomorrow, that I have not studied or even read one page of yet so I have to do that. I also have a reading reaction that I have not read the material for which means I haven't started writing. That wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to volunteer at least ten hours a week, because I could write it tomorrow but the time constrait will not allow for that. On top of all that I have to get my stuff together for Miami. I am excited I need to get out of this city and have a little fun, not that I couldn't do that here but it is different some where else. I don't know why I am blogging when I have all this work to do so I am out of here bye guys!!!

Nothing New

Well it has been a week and he hasn't called and I am not even mad. I am probably most mad at myself for expecting things to be different this time around. So I am not going to dwell on that because I have been down for the past few days, and about an hour ago I felt good. Like I felt positive about everything and that I knew things have to get better.

Summer school has started and I have two actual classes and one online right now. I need to buy my books and complete this first quiz for my online class, can't get behind the first week. The only down side is one of my classes requires me to volunteer 60 hours by July 3rd which means that a job is most likely out of the question until then.

Well I am going to Miami next Thursday for Memorial Day weekend and I am excited!!!!! This is my first real road trip and I have been in college almost four years so yay. I hope that the girls and I will have a fun time. Well I am out I am going to try and blog more often, until next time peace!!!!!!

Been Gone For A Minute

Well I have been gone for a while, I had finals and then I went home for a week. Now I am back at school and not a lot has happenend but a few things have happenend. Well I decided that I would go ahead and get buddy a card for his graduation that I ultimately ended up attending. That is my baby and like I said I love him so I decided I would go see him walk across that stage and dip without him ever knowing that I was there. So I see him walk and as soon as I hit the stairwell I see his bestfriend/roommate! Oh my gosh I nearly freaked out when I saw him because I was so close to leaving without him ever knowing that I was there. As my roommate says everything happens for a reason and I do believe that, so moving on. By the way I asked his roommate to stop by my house and pick up the card because my roommate and him are classmates and I knew he was going to be at a party we were going to. I didn't call him and say I have a card for you because I was afraid he wouldn't answer the phone or not get back to me in a timely manner.

So the morning after graduation I he calls me to tell me he had just read the card and that he liked it. I wrote a little something extra in there along with whatever it said ( I don't like reading cards when I am the one buying them, the little that I read seemed appropriate) .Well during our phone call we small talk and he ask if I miss him and I decide to be honest with him and say yes, and reveal a few other little secrets about when we first met. So he says that he was going to come by and see me since I was leaving that afternoon, mind you I haven't seen him in four months and we live less than ten minutes away from each other so I was more than a little excited. Time passes and I am about twenty minutes away from my departure time and the tears come because once again he has let me down, so I decide to woman up and call him and ask what the deal is and he had been sleep and had just woke up because he had gotten up extra early to say goodbye to his family. I kind of figured he went to sleep, so he said he would see me when I got back and her I am back and have yet to see him. Once again letting down my guard I called him when I got back no answer. I left a message and here we are almost three days later and nothing. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this to myself. One day I think I will realize enough is enough and I will be done with him but that day hasn't come and I don't know when it will. I know that I shouldn't expect to be his number one priority but I would like to think that he could return my call within a reasonable time period, I understand he works nights but he can't sleep ALL day long. Maybe I got my hopes up too much because I couldn't believe I was going to see him face to face for the first time in four months but ya girl was excited what can I say.

So I have decided that I can't keep crying over spilled milk, maybe one day he will do right by me but that time is not now. I can't change him he has to change himself, so I am going to work on me and the areas that need improvement. I don't think it would be best to deal with another dude because it would be unfair to him when all I want is someone else. So I have been working on my patience and I going to continue to do so and just try to be single and satisfied for the time being!!!!!!!!

I know that was way long, but I had to tell that story to someone and get that whole situation off my chest because it was starting to eat away at me!

A little something I wrote

Why can't I ever have something for me? It always seems as if it is within my reach and then it is snatched away from me. No warning just gone, my dad and HIM. How I long for the night when I can get into bed and I will be falling asleep beside HIM, and not just any him but HIM. That is all I want is to be with HIM I don't want anyone else. I try so hard to hold on to the fact that what is meant to be will be, but how long do I have to wait for what is meant to be, to be? Six long months and I still have this longing as if he left yesterday. Pinching myself to see if this is reality, I pinch and I feel, so this is real. All I can do now is hope things will find themselves the way they use to be between HIM and I, so that we can be an US.

Sixth Sense?

My sixth sense is not exactly what I would call it, but there really is no other way to describe it. I have this amazing ability to see and find out things without even looking for them or studying a situation. It is sort of bad because in some instances I believe ignorance is bliss and in this situation I believe that it would have been best.

So today I was on the good old facebook, I know nothing good could come after saying that but here goes. So I was just browsing and I see this picture of a girl, and I say to myself that is the type of chick dude likes. Mind you I don't fit in this mold. So I wonder why he liked me when physically I am the opposite of everyone else I have ever known him to be with, anyway. I am not saying that to be mean because personally I have self esteem issues, but I know his type from the incident that basically ended us. Something told me to click on the profile and I do and so I decide to look at this chicks pictures and guess who I see DUDE. Him and some chick he used to talk to were all hugged up and what not. My feelings are not hurt though, apparently they don't talk anymore but whatever. I just think that it is weird that I just came across that so randomly because of all the people I would have looked at to maybe see some pics of him it would not have been hers because I have no idea who the chick is. Oh well I thought that was interesting and now I am done. Even though he and I have been over for months I can't help but think that one day my phone is going to ring and it will be him. Maybe one day I will wake up and he won't cross my mind.

The thought of that day scares me, but it also excites me because it means I have moved on with my life and I haven't done that yet. However I don't think that day will come anytime soon because even though I have never told anyone I guess you could say I love him. Seeing as how I have never felt that way about anyone before I think that this feeling is going to be a hard one to kick. He is graduating next week and I thought about getting him a card and writing him a note and just let him know that I am proud of him because I know that this road has not been easy for him and to just let him know I care. However I am such a chicken when it comes to those things, that I don't think I can follow through. It is the worst feeling in the world for me to know how I feel about him and know that the feeling is not as strong or mutual. Maybe if I did I could move on with my life because all the cards are out on the table on that front but I am unsure. I asked my friend and of course she was all for that because she likes him and believes that we will get back together. I don't know I am confused, any insight is welcome. Even though I doubt I will follow it, an outside perspective would be nice.

Well I have been doing good since my last post. I still had a few moments where I have cried but crying is what I do lol. I have decided that I really had to turn the situation over to God, because prayer changes things I really and truly believe that. So I am waiting for that change, I am not a patient person so I am also praying for patience until that change comes. I have had dreams that involve similar subjects and when I looked them up they both stated that it involved change, so maybe that is a sign that I just have to hold on a little longer because things are going to change. Regardless of my dreams I KNOW things will change. Well I have two papers to write between now and Wednesday so I am going to go contemplate working on one of them now.

Letting go of the bull

Well this weekend I decided that as much as I care for a certain someone they either don't feel that way about me or are just too busy doing them to worry about me. So I have decided that I am doing me from now on. Every few months I say this but I really am going to get my mind clear, because I shouldn't spend such valuable time worrying about a nigga who ain't worrying about me. Doing me means the tears have got to stop and I have got to stop thinking about him so much. That is going to be a hard one but I have done all that I can do. The doing is now up to him. I came to this conclusion after sending him a b-day text and getting nothing in response, when I sent it I hyped myself up to not expect anything in return but I did expect a thanks something and I got nothing. I tried to convince myself that maybe he didn't get it because it is unusual for him not to respond to my text but I don't know, and I am not trying to find out. The situation is over and done maybe one day he will call me but for now or for at least the next two weeks I am not contacting him because I can't deal with the not knowing. Well I am going to watch a some TV before I call it a night.

So Little Time So Much To Do

I am going to write another post soon there is just so much going on and I feel like I never have a me moment where I can just relax and be with my thoughts for a moment. Once I get my moment I will be here to blog.

Giving it a shot

I have another blog but I think I am going to shut that one down and write here from now on and see how I like it over here.

I am a twenty one year old who is doing exactly what the blog is entitled. I am trying to figure out so many things. If things go as planned I will graduate college in December and then there is the big decision of grad school or entering the real world. Decisions, decisions so many to be made and of course there is my love life which is non existent at this point because I feel as if I am hopelessly in love with someone who prefers the club then spending time with me. Hopefully you all will enjoy the little tales that I experience and share with you all!