"Sometimes we want things that may not be right for us"

The title of this post relates to the song by Letoya entitled "Obvious". In the song she says exactly what the title say "sometimes we want things that may not be right for us but when we're in love we tend to look over the obvious." Now I can't say if I loved him or if I had really strong feelings but boy did I ever look over the obvious. Looking back on that situation I see how he half assed that whole situation and because I liked him so much I overlooked that. I kept telling myself this is not an exclusive situation he doesn't owe me anything and I don't owe him anything. However when the situation ended with me broken hearted I was the one who felt like he owed me plenty.

I just kept holding on that one day things were going to change, not without some hope he had given me. We always had these conversations about him and I becoming an us. You guessed it ten months later and we were still a him and I. Looking back I don't feel stupid or upset because I don't regret one minute of anytime I ever spent with him, I just wished he had not of gotten my hopes up. I decided to write this post because I just saw him not even an hour ago in traffic and normally when I see him my stomach takes this huge drop even if it is not face to face. However today it was just a tiny drop and more of the feeling of I hope he didn't see me staring because I have a tendency to be all in peoples cars anyway. I had no idea that he was about to turn right next to me. Anyway I am getting of track but when I saw him after thinking I hope he didn't see me, my next thought was I don't want him anymore. I have thought that I didn't and said it but today that was the first thing that came to my mind and I didn't have to tell myself that myself told me (if that makes any sense).

I think I have finally read the last page in that chapter and can now continue on to a better chapter. I realize that right now the guy I am seeing is pretty good. He calls when he says he will and does what he says he's going to do. He doesn't have me waiting on a phone call or visit that may or may not happen. He doesn't freak out if I get emotional, he listens and most of all we have chemistry and fun together. Now I am not saying I didn't have those things with him because I either like, like you or I don't, but this time it is still a different experience because they are on different levels maturity wise. I don't know where things will go with him, but I appreciate meeting someone who follows through and doesn't leave me wondering where he is and what he is doing.